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Fangpaste
FANGPASTE Slow Sammy Sidewinder woke up late His breakfast was cold by the time that he ate. Eggs and bacon, muffins, melon. Sammy’s body started swelling. Mum could see Sammy was stuffed. “Sammy,” she said, “you’ve had enough.” So Sammy slowly slithered to the TV set, But Mum said “Sammy, what did you forget?” “Go…
Read MoreFurious George
Stompety Stomp! Slappety slap! The man in the yellow hat’s hat was flat. That’s Furious George. And that is that.
Read MoreDesert Fun (For One)
Before I threw away yet another note I’d written years ago and made no sense to me now, I looked at the flip side of it and found a crudely drawn cartoon. It really has it all… cacti that seem to float in midair… lack of perspective, and best of all, notes that explain the joke.…
Read MoreCandy Apples Are Terrific!
Almost NOTHING brings out the Lil’ Gary in me like candy apples. I rediscovered them this past weekend, thanks so much to Aunt Mahalia’s Candies in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. If you haven’t tried one, TRY ONE. As soon as you are done reading this. I have a couple of favorites: … The candy apple with caramel…
Read MoreAwful Sorry, Mr. Wilson!
Today I listened to “That’s Why God Made The Radio,” and for the most part, that’s exactly right. This album is full of lush, beautiful harmonies and the reminder that the Beach Boys have refused to grow up. I mean that in the best way possible. The album ended with an incredible suite that was as…
Read MoreA Letter For Lincoln
Time travel to prevent a presidential assassination. A novel idea. I had a few notes regarding a story on that subject scribbled in a notebook. The notebook went in a drawer, waiting for the Future Me to rescue it. Recently, a well-known author who I will not mention (however, he is a King of thriller fiction)…
Read MoreDear Detective Dennis Booker…
With a brand new 21 Jump Street movie out, this seemed like the perfect time to post a letter from the late 80’s that was sadly returned unanswered. Who knew that 21 Jump Street was evidently a top-secret address that didn’t actually accept mail? So I don’t have an answer letter to post, but I think you’ll…
Read MoreZanimal Zoo
Feeling bored? Got nothing to do? Why not take a trip to the Zanimal Zoo? All kinds of strange creatures live there, Like the toeless toad, and the hairless hare. The zanimals are all ready for show. Get in your cage and off you go. The APPLEEATER’S odd looking, I…
Read MoreHeavenly Hash Vs. Rocky Road
What exactly IS the difference? Skip Wikipedia and head straight to www.applegary.com for the answer! We asked the experts, that is, folks that actually MAKE tons of ice cream (not just eat tons of it like somebody here, but we aren’t here to talk about that, are we?)… and we got answers! Spoiler alert: My personal…
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