Slow Sammy Sidewinder woke up late

His breakfast was cold by the time that he ate.

Eggs and bacon, muffins, melon.

Sammy’s body started swelling.

Mum could see Sammy was stuffed.

“Sammy,”  she said, “you’ve had enough.”

So Sammy slowly slithered to the TV set,

But Mum said “Sammy, what did you forget?”

“Go brush your fangs!” He knew she’d say.

She told him this three times a day.

So off he clambered to his room.

Then sidled back, and somewhat soon.

“Mummy,” said Sammy, “I’ve got bad news.

I have a fangbrush I can’t use.”

“The bristles are loose and limp and flat.

I can’t brush my fangs with that.”

“You can take care of that,” said Mother

“Go down to McWiggily’s and buy another.”

“I need a couple of other things too.

Hold on, I’ll make a list for you.”

“Don’t be in such an awful rush,

We need corn, and lemons, oh, and your brush.”

“Oh and one more thing, so you aren’t always late..”

Mother wrote down “One roller skate.”

“I won’t need a list,” Sammy said.

“I can remember four things in my head.”

Silly Sammy slowly slithered out the door,

Up a tree, down the block, through the park, down a slide, around the pond, over the golf course, under the bridge, across the sidewalk, through the arcade, and FINALLY to McWiggily’s store.

Sammy got a basket at the front of the store.

And realized he’d forgotten what he’d come there for.

He got the corn, and lemons, and brush,

But then his memory turned to mush.

McWiggily came rushing across the floor,

Perhaps he could help get just one thing more.


Sammy tried explaining as best as he could.

Hissing and rattling his tail real good.

McWiggily smiled, while Sammy hissed.

And said “I don’t speak Snakish, but I’ll try to assist.”

“It appears there’s something you forgot.”

Sammy nodded. “Just what I thought!”

“I will show you all around the store,

And maybe you’ll remember what you came here for.”

When McWiggily guessed wrong, Sammy would frown

Then grab the wrong thing and swallow it down.

Bowling pin and garden rake,

Gulp! Gulp! They went in the snake.

Not a lampshade, a hanger, or mirror.

Sammy made them all disappear.

“Is a radio or a TV set

Perhaps the thing you need to get?”

No and no. Neither was right.

And both were gone in just one bite.

A chrome carpet cleaning robot

Was not the thing Sammy forgot.

“A bunch of bananas? A bunch of grapes?

A measuring cup? A measuring tape?”

“A xylophone? A set of spoons?

Peanut butter? Macaroons?”

“Potted sunflowers? Curtain rods?

Decorative clay arthropods?”

“Frozen spinach. Can of peas?

Gigantic wheel of nacho cheese?”

And so it went on and on and on,

Until nearly everything was gone!

Sammy ate and ate and ate.

Then McWiggily guessed “Roller skate!”

Sammy’s face lit up with a great big smile.

And he slithered off to find the right aisle.

McWiggily helped him to put the skate on.

Bagged up his groceries, then he was gone.

It was getting close to dinnertime,

But Sammy and his skate were flying!

He got home just as quick as he could,

Put the groceries away, and Mum said “Good.”

“I hope dear Sammy you learned your lesson.

Next time you won’t keep McWiggily guessing.”

“For next time son,” his Mummy hissed,

“Next time, you will take a list!”



Sammy Sidewinder

POSTED ON May 25, 2013 BY Gary Applegary


  1. Lori Kadlec on December 12, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    I love Fangpaste. Not only is it quite entertaining, it teaches a valuable lesson to little munchkins. Okay, and big munchkins. Keep those life lessons coming!

    • Gary Applegary on December 13, 2013 at 6:58 am

      Thanks for believing in me, Lori! Stick around; we’ve only just begun!

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