Author Archive
Posted on August 15, 2014 - by Gary Applegary
When You Are Funny…
WHEN YOU ARE FUNNY…
When you are funny
You can’t hide it, it shows!
Your funny’s just as obvious
As the face on your nose.
You’re zany! You’re witty!
You’re sappy! You’re silly!
Always amusing!
Always? Yes, really!
Keeping everyone in stitches,
Rolling in the aisles.
You’re dishing out punchlines,
And chuckles, and smiles.
But, if you’re a funny
Guy or a gal
Working the crowd
I’ve got news for you, pal.
When you are funny,
It can be rough.
Because you can never be
Funny enough.
Some people think that
The switch is always turned on.
But sometimes it’s there,
And sometimes it’s gone.
You make others laugh.
But all the while,
It’s you that you’re trying
To get to smile.
When you are funny,
It’s giggles and grins only.
It can be difficult.
It can be lonely.
You try to hide
The dark side of you.
Hoping that humor
Won’t let sorrow through.
But you understand
What it means to be down.
And “Tracks Of My Tears.”
And “Tears Of A Clown.”
When you are funny,
Some will treat you like dirt.
Like you don’t have feelings,
Like you can’t be hurt.
They resent your smile!
They envy your spirit!
It’s them with the problem.
But that’s not how you hear it.
In front of your mirror,
You stare in the sink.
I just cannot do it,
Each day, you think.
But the show must go on,
And so must you, too.
So, day after day,
You do what you do.
Some people will sense
What you’re trying to hide.
See through that exterior
To the somber inside.
They will sympathize, empathize,
Understand you.
Hug those folks; you need it
Just as much as they do.
When you are funny,
You’ve just got to be fun!
You’ve just got to realize
That your work’s never done.
So give them their laughs,
Their giggles, their grins.
Pull yourself together,
Because the next show begins…
Now.
Posted on March 17, 2014 - by Gary Applegary
(NOT) Monkey Survey
Voice That Sounds Suspiciously Like A Monkey: “Ring, ring!”
Man Answering Phone: “Hello?”
NOT Monkey: “Not Monkey speaking. What you wanted?”
Man: “Um. YOU called ME.”
Not Monkey: “Okay. What you want?”
Man: “Hmm.”
(Not) Monkey: “Okay, Survey Time! You like bananas.”
Man: “What kind of survey… Okay. NO. No, I do not like bananas.”
Monkey: “You like bananas.”
Man: “Listen, I just ANSWERED that question!”
Monkey: “Not question. You LIKE bananas. Good.”
Man Who Is Getting A Bit Flustered: “I DON’T like bananas, and I DON’T like phone surveys!”
Monkey: “Me either. One more question.”
Man, With Hint of Resignation: “I’m waiting…”
Monkey: “Why you called me?”
Man’s Phone: CLICK!
Monkey: “Hello?”
Fling! Fling!
Posted on December 12, 2013 - by Gary Applegary
A Day In My Life
Hmmm. That funny-looking kid with glasses is looking at me and writing a paper for school.
“A Day in the Life of a Boston Terrier.” Sounds like my unauthorized biography.
I will try to give you the official version. Here are a few things you should know about me.
My name is Mollie. You may call me… “Mollie”. Or, occasionally, “Mollie Ollie.” You can also call out “Milk Bone,” and I will come running all the same. You may even get better results that way.
Dad called me Buster once. I think I was being stubborn about something; I tend to be that way.
Ears. I love biting them. The funny-looking kid with glasses can tell you that. His are tasty. I never bite an undeserving ear, though.
Peas! I love peas! But who doesn’t? Really, I mean it. If you don’t like peas, write me.
Squirrels. Eating my acorns. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like acorns. I tried them once. Not good. But still, that’s my yard out there, and those acorns are MINE. Once I learn to climb trees there are going to be some ear-bitten squirrels around here.
Frisbee. Here’s how it works. You throw it. I run and catch it and bring it back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Milk Bone. Did somebody say Milk Bone?
Puppy Chow! I love it! You don’t have to be a puppy to enjoy it. I’ve eaten it my entire life. I don’t like Dog Chow. Nope. It’s Puppy Chow for me. Unless you’re going to feed me your food. I’ll take that, too. But enough about Puppy Chow. Mmm, Puppy Chow. Excuse me for a bit.
Now let’s see, where was I?
Have you ever been swimming? I have. Not a huge fan. It’s tough work. And “doggy-paddle?” Give me a break! That’s humiliating.
I love when Auntie visits. I turn into a yipping, squealing, overexcited mess when she shows up. I know, it’s embarrassing. Just like when there’s peanut butter on my nose. Or I go cross-eyed while eating an apple, corn on the cob, or orange slices. Don’t laugh. You make some funny faces and noises when you eat, too. Or when your Auntie shows up.
That soccer ball has no respect. Sitting out there so smug. Or, audaciously rolling across my yard. I give it the business. I really do. It’s frustrating though; no ears to bite.
I could tell a lot of stories about the funny-looking kid with glasses and his family. But I’m a busy Boston with things to do and ears to chew.
Chow!
Following is the “unauthorized biography” of Mollie:
And finally… some Mollie artwork from throughout the years…
Gotta fly now!