Posts by Gary Applegary
Big Mack Attack!
So there you are… Driving down Interstate 85. The miles are limbering up. No, that’s not right. The miles are warming up. Hmm, no. The miles STRETCH on.. that’s it! Where ARE you, anyway? Did you see a sign that said Greensboro? Did you see something gleaming, and a tall sign that looked a little unique?…
Read MoreWho Deserves A Break Today?
Riceboro, Georgia, United States — Today I looked at the crow and he looked back. He said to me, “Son, I don’t want your Big Mac.” “The Lord’s taking care of me; yes indeed!” “Now go on, son, help your brother in need.” I should have said it right away. “What are…
Read More50 Brite Ideas and Little Life Lessons
It’s time, I think. By now, I really ought to have some measure of collected wisdom to share with the world. I also figure I’d better document it before I forget it all. You probably will read some of these and say, “MY Dad said that!” Or possibly, “Methuselah’s Dad said that!” Anyways, I can’t say I…
Read MoreNovember 10th, High Noon
No Vember? No problem. Haven’t heard from me in a while? Hey, I haven’t heard from you, either! How are you? What’s new? Did that wart go away? Whoops, sorry! At least I didn’t mention your embarassing moustache-dandruff problem. Myself, I just got BIT! That’s right, I just got Back In Town! It was nice to be out of…
Read MoreThe Undies Song, feat. F.O.T.L.
What’s all this about making tighty whiteys look good? Ok, well, here you are despite the warning! I hope you had your lunch already; don’t want to spoil anybody’s appetite. Just kidding! I have to say, and I think you will agree, that I DO make these undies look great! Aww, now don’t they look…
Read MoreSuper Duper Golf Pencil!
Let me start by saying, you are NOT a bad golfer. Nobody EVER talks behind your back about how your handicap is your caveman-like swing, or your Mr. Magoo putting accuracy. Additionally, you do NOT ever cheat. And of course, there is NEVER any money riding on your golf game, because you certainly do NOT wager. OK, now…
Read MoreNews for Friday Octopus 29th
Yes, I meant to say OCTOPUS. Hmm, now that I think of it, shouldn’t October be the 8th month? Ah, yes, those Little Caesar guys (Augustus and Julius, the famous brothers who made fairly decent pizza if you feel like that sort of a pizza) messed it all up. Anyways, for next week: Yes, a…
Read MoreOctober 27, 2010
What am I doing? Typing, duh! Oh, okay… projects for applegary currently in the works: 1) You might have noticed that I made Pithy Poems into a separate section instead of keeping them under “Short Shorts.” Wait, that didn’t come out right. Anyways, the poems shall be titled and each have their own post in…
Read MoreTooth And Consequences
TEETH Isn’t it great we have teeth in our mouth? Without them we’d say words like houth, louth, or spouth. Brushing and brushing them might not be fun, But what if we had no teeth? Not even one? I know one fellow who wouldn’t do well- – The inventor of gum, cause it just wouldn’t…
Read MoreOf Nose-Picking
Take Your Pick (seemed right to title this one, but who nose?) Nostril left, or nostril right.. Which shall I clean out tonight? **************** Pickled Peppers’ Perilous Plight Prevented! A peck of pickled peppers, petrified by dread. Propitiously, Peter Piper proceeds to pick his nose instead.
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