Vera Glum

Vera Glum might even be someone YOU know… Enjoy!

VERA GLUM 

Vera Glum was unable to smile.

Through silly, through zany, she’d frown all the while.

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You could tickle her, dance with her,

Do all sorts of clowning,

But it just wouldn’t matter,

Vera Glum would be frowning.

***********

It started in her childhood,

No one’s quite sure how.

She was a little Glum then,

She’s a lot more Glum now.

***********

Vera’s permanent scowl

Scared everybody she knew.

So they all had a suggestion

What Vera should do.

***********

You see, they all figured,

Something had to be wrong.

For nobody had ever

Been so surly so long.

***********

They thought maybe a doctor

Could give her a pill.

But Vera WON’T go to doctors

Since they make her ill.

***********

And they rigged up a harness

To hold her upside down

So they’d wind up with a smile

Instead of a frown.

***********

So WHOOSH, up she went

Her blood rushed to her head

There WASN’T a smile,

But her face sure turned red.

***********

They invited her to the circus,

Begged, “Come with us, please!”

But Vera refused; she said

“Sawdust makes me sneeze.”

***********

“I’m allergic to tigers,

Jugglers, and trapezes

Are you trying to turn

My frowns into SNEEZES?”    

***********

Then they sent for a clown

In came Uncle Zappy.

He stumbled, he tumbled,

Vera STILL wasn’t happy.

***********

And her friends just kept bugging her,

Until finally…

She came to see ME,

Midas Welby, M.D.

***********

So I put her through tests,

Hooked her up to the scope.

Her laugh-er was healthy.

There HAD to be hope!

***********

I said, “Mrs. Glum…

Vera, if I may,

I will make you smile

There MUST be a way.”

***********

Then I told my best riddles,

I went right to work.

But I ran out of material,

And got not a smirk.

***********

I did gags, puns, and pratfalls,

Like the others had done.

Vera stayed just as stern

As when we’d begun.

***********

Everything had been tried,

That was quite plain to see.

One final thought

Then occurred to me.

***********

You are glum, ‘cause you’re Glum!

Vera Glum, can’t you see?

Let’s make just one change,

And how happy you’ll be!

***********

So I sent for a notary,

Who then changed her name.

And yet STILL Vera Jolley

Scowled just the same.

***********

Well, I’d done all I could.

I’d tried every joke.

I said, Sorry, I’ve failed.

And then suddenly, SHE spoke.

***********

“Young man,” she said,

“I have something to say.

There is nothing to fix!

I LIKE being this way.”

***********

Vera Glum CAN smile,

She CAN laugh. She CAN play.

She just doesn’t want to.

And that’s just OKAY!

***

THE END

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