(She's a real Pickle-Puss.)

Vera Glum might even be someone YOU know… Enjoy!


Vera Glum was unable to smile.

Through silly, through zany, she’d frown all the while.


You could tickle her, dance with her,

Do all sorts of clowning,

But it just wouldn’t matter,

Vera Glum would be frowning.


It started in her childhood,

No one’s quite sure how.

She was a little Glum then,

She’s a lot more Glum now.


Vera’s permanent scowl

Scared everybody she knew.

So they all had a suggestion

What Vera should do.


You see, they all figured,

Something had to be wrong.

For nobody had ever

Been so surly so long.


They thought maybe a doctor

Could give her a pill.

But Vera WON’T go to doctors

Since they make her ill.


And they rigged up a harness

To hold her upside down

So they’d wind up with a smile

Instead of a frown.


So WHOOSH, up she went

Her blood rushed to her head

There WASN’T a smile,

But her face sure turned red.


They invited her to the circus,

Begged, “Come with us, please!”

But Vera refused; she said

“Sawdust makes me sneeze.”


“I’m allergic to tigers,

Jugglers, and trapezes

Are you trying to turn

My frowns into SNEEZES?”    


Then they sent for a clown

In came Uncle Zappy.

He stumbled, he tumbled,

Vera STILL wasn’t happy.


And her friends just kept bugging her,

Until finally…

She came to see ME,

Midas Welby, M.D.


So I put her through tests,

Hooked her up to the scope.

Her laugh-er was healthy.

There HAD to be hope!


I said, “Mrs. Glum…

Vera, if I may,

I will make you smile

There MUST be a way.”


Then I told my best riddles,

I went right to work.

But I ran out of material,

And got not a smirk.


I did gags, puns, and pratfalls,

Like the others had done.

Vera stayed just as stern

As when we’d begun.


Everything had been tried,

That was quite plain to see.

One final thought

Then occurred to me.


You are glum, ‘cause you’re Glum!

Vera Glum, can’t you see?

Let’s make just one change,

And how happy you’ll be!


So I sent for a notary,

Who then changed her name.

And yet STILL Vera Jolley

Scowled just the same.


Well, I’d done all I could.

I’d tried every joke.

I said, Sorry, I’ve failed.

And then suddenly, SHE spoke.


“Young man,” she said,

“I have something to say.

There is nothing to fix!

I LIKE being this way.”


Vera Glum CAN smile,

She CAN laugh. She CAN play.

She just doesn’t want to.

And that’s just OKAY!



POSTED ON September 24, 2010 BY Gary Applegary


  1. Lori Kadlec on September 24, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    I think this is the best one yet! I know it’s not suppose to be deep or anything, but it can open a discussion that goes many places if the need be. I especially like the ending- not everyone has to be the same- it is okay!

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