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The Decaf-Your-Hyper-Coworker Coffee Pot, aka the Decaffer Decanter

By Gary Applegary | August 7, 2010 |

The boss comes in loaded for bear. He’s been turned out of his own house after drinking several cups of coffee and driving his wife and family crazy, and now he’s banished to your workplace. Where’s the first place he heads? Yup, the coffeepot! What he really needs is some Prozac, a whack to the head, or some duct tape wrapped around him, but no, he wants MORE caffeine! 

And of course, the hardworking members of the staff have made a pot for themselves, since they have to have some sort of lift to get them through the monotony of the day, and the fact that they had to scoot out of the door without any breakfast for fear of being late. How can they get their morning jolt without giving even more venom to Spazzilla? One solution might be an elephant gun; to stop the spitting, flustered, stomping, enraged boss dead in his tracks. Of course, you could opt for a more office-friendly, less homicidal approach. If so, the Decaffer Decanter is for you! Here’s a peek at some preliminary sketches…

So just WHAT is this? Well, it’s a sneaky way to give Hyper-Boss a healthy dose of Decaf before he strokes out on you. Still, SOME of you NEED the caffeine in the morning, so you will be the ones that know of the secret button which dispenses the true, rich, energizing nectar of life. Of course, it’s just a matter of time before the company Spazz realizes he’s been bamboozled, and figures out the secret button. As soon as that day comes, you hit the switch that essentially turns your Caffeine button into a hair-curling SHOCKITY-SHOCK button. That will only work once, but it will work well for THAT day. After that, you’ll have to come up with a Plan B to keep the boss outta your hair. Unless, of course, the voltage of the Shockity Shock button has sent him to his resting place. In which case, hire a good lawyer, and make no mention of www.applegary.com, please.

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