Mrs. Noodle

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Mrs. Noodle (the story, not the character) is arranged in 4-line verses. The first two lines of each verse is from someone who is interviewing her, and the second two lines are her noodly answers. Got it? Ok, then, let’s go!

Mrs. Noodle

Good morning, Mrs. Noodle,

And how are you today?

It’s a quarter past eight – thirty,

And I must be on my way!

I’d like to go with you to work;

What time shall we arrive?

We’ll get there at nine – thirty,

My shift begins at 9:05.

Are you going to have some breakfast

Before you head out the door?

I have had mine – to save me time

I eat it the night before.

Was that orange juice that you gargled with

And spit into the sink?

Speaking of juice, that sure was funny tasting

Blue stuff I had to drink!

You’re bringing an umbrella;

Do you think that it might rain?

Don’t be silly – the umbrella

Is to help me catch the train.

Mrs. Noodle – your shoelaces!

They’re untied, and you might fall!

That’s it! I’m knotting them together

To stop this once and for all!

A taxi’s stopping for us;

Are we going very far?

No, he’ll take us up the street –

That’s where I parked the car.

Mrs. Noodle, may I ask you

Why you’re steering with your feet?

I need to have both hands free

To hold me in my seat.

Good, we’ve made it to the station,

And – Hooray! The train’s still here!

Well, they couldn’t leave without me

Or there’d be no engineer!

Don’t tell me Mrs. Noodle,

It is you who runs this train!

Why else would I be in the caboose,

You silly scatterbrain?!

It seems we have no passengers,

Since we arrived so late.

We’ll have to leave without them,

For I never ever wait.

Well, then – Show me how you start the train,

And we’ll be on our way.

The train’s already started –

I left it running yesterday.

Why do trains always have horns?

And why do you keep beeping?

I don’t like to use bells or whistles;

For some people might be sleeping.

Now that we are under way –

May I ask our destination?

You do not know? Where all trains go –

Of course – To the train station!

You’re cutting through the forest;

How on earth will we get back?

Have you never ridden a train before?

They always leave a track!

Oh no! Look there! An angry bear

Is waiting ahead for us!

No, I think you are mistaken –

He is waiting for the bus!

Do you think we might have hit that bear?

I thought I heard a thump!

No, I saw him disappear

Right when we hit that bump.

Now we’re going through the fence;

Shouldn’t we have used the gate?

By the time they would have opened up,

We would be running late!

I don’t think all these animals like

Us cutting through their farm!

If they just stay out of my way,

They won’t come to any harm.

Mrs. Noodle, do you know we’re going

To miss the bridge ahead?

Thank you, I do – There is a shortcut

Through the riverbed.

I don’t mean to alarm you, but

We now have snakes in back!

Well, if they were in front of us,

We’d squash them on the track!

It seems we’ve also picked up chickens,

Four cows, and a pig!

There’s no need at all to worry,

For our train is plenty big!

That grizzly bear’s also back there!

Whatever will we do?

Have no fear, they’ll get out here;

We’ve brought them to the zoo!

I can’t believe this was up your sleeve;

You planned this all the while!

Hush, now, and check their tickets;

Animals, march past single file!

I can’t take anymore of this!

I’m getting out here, too!

That’s great! Hooray! My shift just ended –

I will walk back with you!

Mrs. Noodle, you’re the noodliest

Of the noodles, I must say!

I know that, Mr. Noodle –

You tell me every day!

THE END

Aha! Nothing like a funny surprise ending, eh? Eh?

Incidentally, Mrs. Noodle may or may not be based on a real wife, er, LIFE person. I’m not at liberty to say.