Most of this story just came to me one Saturday morning a couple decades ago, while I was trying to avoid getting out of bed. Hope you like it! I guess the moral to this story is: Don’t fear the sandwich, fear the waiter! Or not.

Here is what the original cover illo idea was:

The original cover illo…

More recently, I experimented a little bit with crayons and colored pencils and very rudimentary drawing skills, and came up with:

Here’s some preliminary sketchity-sketches as well, for your enjoyment…

The hungry “hero” (ha, ha! A sandwich pun!) of the story on his skateboard…

“Derby” gets his menu from Ned, the Pez-esque waiter and owner of Ned’s Sandwich Shop… (You don’t say!)

At any rate, it’s all about the STORY, right? So let’s read the story, shall we?


If you should get hungry, and happen to stop

At a delicatessen named Ned’s Sandwich Shop,

The egg salad sandwich might sound good to you —

But DON’T order egg salad, WHATEVER you do!

You see,  I stopped by Ned’s one day for a bite,

His sign said: “Today’s Special – – Egg Salad on White.”

Now, I like egg salad, but not on white bread,

So I ordered the special, but with wheat bread instead.

“Wheat bread, instead — Very well!” Ned said,

And away to his kitchen he stealthily sped.

He was back at my table in the blink of an eye,

But perched on my plate was egg salad on RYE!

So I did reply, being a patient guy…

“Sorry, but I didn’t want egg salad on rye.”

Ned turned red, slapped his head, and then said,

“I got the right sandwich, but the wrong sort of bread!”

Then he scurried away to his kitchen again,

And scurried right back, and said this to me then:

“I’m certain, sir, this time, your sandwich is right!

So please do enjoy your egg salad on white.”

“NOT white bread, NOT rye bread,” I then said to Ned.

“I want my egg salad on toasted wheat bread.

So now, I repeat, that what I want to eat

Is an egg salad sandwich upon toasted wheat.”

So again to his kitchen, Ned fled, as he said,

“Today I’d been better off staying in bed.”

He was back soon enough, and looking pleased, too

Announcing, “You’ll just LOVE what I’ve done for you.”

“I’ve taken the liberty of adding a pickle

To your egg salad sandwich on grilled pumpernickel.”

“NOT grilled pumpernickel! Not white bread! Not rye!

I want my egg salad on WHEAT bread!” said I.

“If it’s just too much trouble — If it cannot be done,

Please let me know now, Ned, for I have to run.”

“No, no! Please stay! I can do it!” Ned pled,

“You SHALL have your egg salad on toasted wheat bread!”

And finally, Ned was back, with my sandwich JUST RIGHT.

It was not on pumpernickel, or rye bread, or white.

He said, “Here’s your egg salad.. Egg salad on wheat!

If it’s okay with you, I will please watch you eat.”

But nothing I ate; I just stared at my plate.

Ned said, “Sir, that sandwich sure does look great!

May I ask, please, why you’ve not started to eat?

You have what you wanted: Egg salad on wheat.”

I then said to Ned, “I will keep the wheat bread,

But I think I should like TUNA SALAD instead.”

What happened next was too quick to see,

But I soon had egg salad all over me!

So, please, let my story be a warning to you.

If you stop at Ned’s shop, then you’ll know what to do.

If you order egg salad – – Don’t mention the bread,

For Ned only serves egg salad on top of your head!


POSTED ON August 7, 2010 BY Gary Applegary


  1. Julie Drocco on November 15, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    I would greatly regret, had I not said,
    that even though you wound up unfed,
    “Egg Salad on Me” is the cutest most clever thing I’ve ever read!
    You’re Amazing!
    – Love Julie

    • Gary Applegary on November 16, 2015 at 4:53 am

      Wow! Thank you for the kind words and quite clever poem, Julie! You’ve got a real knack for this!
      Thanks again!

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