Pithy Poems

Okay, so basically we got here lil’ nuggets of “poetry,” if you’re willing to use the term loosely. Most of them don’t have titles, because the title would be nearly as long as the poem. Hope they make you chuckle a bit! Please make sure you return here often; I’ll be posting more as I come up with them, and let’s be honest.. it shouldn’t take much effort to keep cranking out this sort of nonsensical verse. I’m joking… sort of… 

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Slug, slug

Sitting on a rug,

You make that trail?

Slug just shrug.

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 The gator farm sounded exciting,

It wasn’t supposed to involve any biting!

The alligator laid across my arm,

He couldn’t do me any harm.

Until the muzzle slipped off his snout – –

Next week I get my stitches out!

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 Cats who are too finicky

Will soon become skinnicky.

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Too many prunes

An evening ruins.

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 Hey! Did you see that possum?

Yep, but I think I mighta squassum.

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 The town decided that Paul Bunyan

Must order burgers without onion

After 40 lumberjacks met their death

Inhaling Bunyan’s onion breath.

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 Tock tock, tock tock,

We need to buy a brand new clock.

No wait, this should be easy to fix- –

I have a friend who has some ticks!

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 Cucumbers who stray too far from the vine

Might find themselves swimming in salty brine.

And unless they relish being chopped up real fine,

They’d best pay attention to this warning of mine.

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  Osprey, you spray

We all spray for osprey.

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A gentle tug as the man walked by

Revealed he was wearing a clip on tie.

Seconds later,  I wished like heck

It weren’t a real tie around my neck!

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All About Lizards

I could use the word gizzard, cause then it would rhyme,

But there aren’t any gizzards in these lizards of mine.

If they had the chicken’s internal design,

Then lizards with gizzards would work out just fine.

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 Officer, I saw a sign,

I saw the yellow dotted line.

I saw the big red blinking light,

I saw the sidewalk to the right.

I saw the road crew working hard,

And three big dogs in the school yard.

I saw the barricade in my lane,

But I just didn’t see…. That…. TRAIN!

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 If you pet an echidna,

You’ll feel like he’s bitten ya.

For his fur is very spiny

From his head down to his hiney.

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 I learned in camp how to make soap,

There’s a skill I never want to lose.

However, I doubt if I’ll ever make soap,

Cause, why make something I never use?

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My shirt is the color of pumpkin pie…

Or maybe not, it’s rust.

Perhaps my head is a big old gourd, and I’m a flaky crust.

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Martha Washington had curly locks.

George had a white wig he would wear.

George Washington had wooden teeth,

And Martha had splinters in her rear!

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Apple fritters

Gave me the jitters.

Or maybe it was not the

Fritters, but the coffee!

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US DOESN’T BELONG

Cacti, fungi, platypi, walri…

Four schoolbi pick up us and i.

Octopi, calculi, hippopotami…

Ignorami, remove the rhinoceri.

******************* Author’s note: Major shout-out to They Might Be Giants, and major apologies to proper grammar and spelling. ****************